| Author |
The Life And Times Of SPC Schwarz... |
Fatal Rocko Willis
Fleet Admiral
Fatal Squadron
Joined: March 01, 2003
Posts: 1336
From: Kentucky
|  Posted: 2005-10-17 05:17
Once upon a time, there was a SPC Schwarz stationed with the Army in the Balkans. SPC Schwarz was either very clever or very bored; but probably both, since he managed to attempt or be warned about 213 things he wasn't allowed to do. He collected those things into a hilarious list and posted them to the web.
I will not post the list in its entirety since the entire list is not suitable for the general public under the age of 18. (Note: You must understand I would love to post the whole thing but RoC come first.) This is meant as a humorous bit about a US Army Specialist stationed overseas in the Balkans who tries to spice up his time there. Please do not ruin the whole post with anything Political or Racial or anything other than what this post was intended as. The Robin Williams post got beat down into the ground lets not let this one get the same treatment.
I will post a few each couple of days so you can keep a running tab on the... Life And Times Of SPC Schwarz...
Not allowed to watch South Park when I'm supposed to be working.
My proper military title is 'Specialist Schwarz' not 'Princess Anastasia'.
Not allowed to threaten anyone with black magic.
Not allowed to challenge anyone's disbelief of black magic by asking for hair.
Not allowed to get silicone breast implants.
Not allowed to play 'Pulp Fiction' with a suction-cup dart pistol and any officer.
Not allowed to add 'In accordance with the prophecy' to the end of answers I give to a question an officer asks me.
Not allowed to add pictures of officers I don't like to War Criminal posters.
Not allowed to title any product 'Get Over it'.
Not allowed to purchase anyone's soul on Government time.
Not allowed to join the communist party.
Not allowed to join any militia.
Not allowed to form any militia.
Not allowed out of my office when the president visited Sarajevo.
Not allowed to train adopted stray dogs to 'Sic Brass!'
Must get a haircut even if it tampers with my 'Sampson like powers'.
God may not contradict any of my orders.
May no longer perform my now infamous 'Barbie Girl Dance' while on duty.
May not call any officers immoral, untrustworthy, lying, slime, even if I'm right.
Must not taunt the French any more.
Must not attempt to antagonize the SAS.
Must never call an SAS a 'Wanker'.
Must never ask anyone who outranks me if they've been smoking crack.
Must not tell any officer that I am smarter than they are, especially if it's true.
Never confuse a Dutch soldier for a French one.
This is the first 25 "No-No's" of his list... will be back tomorrow with more.
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Coeus {NCX-Charger}
Admiral, I can't read,
Sundered Weimeriners
Joined: February 16, 2004
Posts: 3635
From: South Philly
| Posted: 2005-10-17 07:25
ROFLMFAO! I can't wait for more! 
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Darkspace: Twilight
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Dom243
Fleet Admiral
Joined: December 11, 2002
Posts: 104
| Posted: 2005-10-17 07:47
LMAO
ROFL
ROFLMAO
LMFAO
LOL?
etc..
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BackSlash
Marshal
Galactic Navy
Joined: March 23, 2003
Posts: 11183
From: Bristol, England
| Posted: 2005-10-17 08:23
I LOL'd!
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UNI0N
Cadet
Joined: September 20, 2005
Posts: 12
| Posted: 2005-10-17 10:40
Nice Rocko, lol.
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-RevenG-
Raven Warriors
Joined: March 03, 2004
Posts: 2673
| Posted: 2005-10-17 14:00
LMAO. I love these.
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c0ld
Midshipman
Joined: June 24, 2003
Posts: 342
From: UK
| Posted: 2005-10-17 14:21
Skippys list is more than 2 years old.
And not to nitpick, but your list broke the RoC, despite your efforts not to.
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Crim
Fleet Admiral
Sundered Weimeriners
Joined: March 16, 2003
Posts: 1336
| Posted: 2005-10-17 14:36
Quote:
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On 2005-10-17 14:21, c0ldfury wrote:
And not to nitpick, but your list broke the RoC, despite your efforts not to.
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Rocko's a mod..Im sure he's well read in the RoC, better than you..So. Shut it...
Rocko, you make coming home from school ALOT better with these things.
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Enterprise
Chief Marshal
Raven Warriors
Joined: May 19, 2002
Posts: 2576
From: Hawthorne, Nevada
| Posted: 2005-10-17 14:38
Quote:
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On 2005-10-17 14:21, c0ldfury wrote:
Skippys list is more than 2 years old.
And not to nitpick, but your list broke the RoC, despite your efforts not to.
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Go away no humor man.
(PS - More one liners in a post than Robin Williams could ever pull off - and get met to laugh so hard my hair was giggling several minutes afterward)
-Ent
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Tbone
Grand Admiral
Joined: July 21, 2001
Posts: 1756
From: Vancouver
| Posted: 2005-10-17 14:45
Stop humouring him, you know you've all read that guy's site before 
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c0ld
Midshipman
Joined: June 24, 2003
Posts: 342
From: UK
| Posted: 2005-10-17 14:59
Quote:
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Rocko's a mod..Im sure he's well read in the RoC, better than you..So. Shut it...
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Duely noted, wanker.
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Fatal Rocko Willis
Fleet Admiral
Fatal Squadron
Joined: March 01, 2003
Posts: 1336
From: Kentucky
| Posted: 2005-10-18 03:38
In responce to coldfury's statement... In my understanding of the RoC, and any other Mod/Admin wish to throw thier two cents in be my guest, but when one refers to, in this case the term "Wanker" in a descriptive context, I.E. I am not allowed to or you are not allowed to say "Insert Word Here" then it is not a blatent RoC violation unlike saying to another player "You are a "Insert Word Here"....".
I simply said he had discovered he shouldn't say that word. At no time was it directed towards anyone. If I am wrong in my interpritaion i apologize and will remove said offending statement. The last thing I want to do, especially as a Moderator, is to blatently violate the RoC. Now on with the next batch of things he found out he could not do.
Never tell a German soldier that 'We kicked your arse in World War II!'
Don't tell Princess Dianna jokes in front of the paras (British Airborne).
Don't take the batteries out of the other soldiers’ alarm clocks (Even if they do hit snooze about forty times).
The Irish MPs are not after 'Me frosted lucky charms'.
Not allowed to wake a Non-Commissioned Officer by repeatedly banging on the head with a bag of trash.
Not allowed to let sock puppets take responsibility for any of my actions.
Not allowed to let sock puppets take command of my post.
Not allowed to chew gum at formation, unless I brought enough for everybody.
(Next day) Not allowed to chew gum at formation even if I *did* bring enough for everybody.
Not allowed to sing 'High Speed Dirt' by Megadeth during airborne operations. ('See the earth below/Soon to make a crater/Blue sky, Black Death; I'm off to meet my maker')
Can't have flashbacks to wars I was not in.
Our medic is called 'Sgt. Larwasa', not 'Dr. Feelgood'.
Our supply Sgt is 'Sgt. Watkins' not 'Sugar Daddy'.
Not allowed to ask for the day off due to religious purposes, on the basis that the world is going to end, more than once.
I do not have super-powers.
'Keep on Trucking' is *not* a psychological warfare message.
Not allowed to attempt to appeal to mankind's baser instincts in recruitment posters.
Camouflage body paint is not a uniform.
I am not the atheist chaplain.
I am not allowed to "go to Bragg Boulevard and shake daddies little moneymaker for twenties stuffed into my undies".
I am not authorized to fire officers.
I am not a citizen of Texas, and those other, forty-nine, lesser states.
Not allowed to trade military equipment for 'magic beans'.
Not allowed to sell magic beans during duty hours.
Not allowed to quote 'Dr Seuss' on military operations.
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c0ld
Midshipman
Joined: June 24, 2003
Posts: 342
From: UK
| Posted: 2005-10-18 11:36
'Wanker' is a colloquial expletive regardless of how it is used. If it were the case that 'bad' words could be used so long as you don't use them to insult people, well, that would be just [expletive deleted] fine by me.
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Clarification: Certain words can be used in this manner, though the only ones I can think of that we have allowed are 'wanker' and 'ass.' That is, you can refer to a donkey as an ass, you can talk about your ass, but you can't call someone an ass. We would of course prefer you use a different word, but as long as you are reasonable in your use of such words, its not a big problem. Don't go overboard, though.
(the you being general in this case)
[ This Message was edited by: Shigernafy on 2005-10-19 06:26 ]
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YIIMM
Grand Admiral
Joined: June 16, 2005
Posts: 851
From: Barcino, Hispania Tarraconensis
| Posted: 2005-10-18 15:58
Really enjoyed reading those Rocko, keep them coming 
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Coeus {NCX-Charger}
Admiral, I can't read,
Sundered Weimeriners
Joined: February 16, 2004
Posts: 3635
From: South Philly
| Posted: 2005-10-18 16:12
ROFL! GJ Rocko!
LMAO @ the gum one! Had an experience like that in gradeschool
[ This Message was edited by: Shigernafy on 2005-10-19 06:23 ]
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